I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. - Marie Corelli
If a man tells a woman she's beautiful she'll overlook most of his other lies.
If you take a dog in and feed it, it will remain loyal to you and never turn on you. This is the principle difference between a man and a dog. - Mark Twain
It's funny...all over the world women stop working in the middle of a field, lay down to give birth, and get right back to work. But give a man a cold and suddenly he's 2 years old and can't blow his own nose.
I have always wondered why men never or seldom help women work in the kitchen, but when it comes to cooking with a barbecue outdoors, men quickly grab the opportunity. Then it hit me - Men are less evolved.
An English professor wrote on the blackboard: Punctuate this sentence: 'Woman without her man is nothing'. The men wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.' All the women wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, 'I was a fool when I married you.' She replied, 'Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.
After a few weeks of Adam being by himself in the garden of Eden, he got lonely. So he went to God and asked for a companion. God said he would look into it and get back to him the next day. So the next day God went to Adam and said 'Here Adam, I can make a beautiful woman that cooks, irons, cleans, never complains and is pretty much just what you want, but it'll cost you an arm and a leg, what do you think' Adam thought for a few seconds and then asked 'what can I get for a rib?'-David Moir
A woman who strives to be equal to a man lacks ambition.
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs, a woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't.
A couple was told to individually write a sentence using the words 'sex' and 'love.' The woman wrote 'When two people love each other very much, like Bob and I, it is morally acceptable for them to engage in sex.' And Bob wrote 'I love sex.'
Men are like chocolate bars - soft, smooth, and they always go to your hips.
Men are like chocolate bars - soft, smooth, and they always go to your hips.
Sure, a woman can fake an orgasm, but it takes a man to fake a whole relationship.
The perfect man: smokes not, drinks not, flirts not, exists not.
When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, 'I can do better than that!'
MENtal anxiety! MENstrual cramps! MENopause! Don't you notice that all our problems begin with MEN!
